1. If you call an African mother’s phone once, then you’re not serious about having that conversation. 1st call is for her to locate her handbag. 2nd call is to dig into the hand bag and locate the phone 3rd call to bring out glasses 4th call to check Caller’s id 5th to answer 2. How one spelling mistake makes husband unable to enter his own house. A Husband wrote a romantic message to his wife on his official trip and missed an ” e ” in the last word. Now he is seeking police protection to enter his own house. He wrote: “Hi darling I’m experiencing the best time of my life & I wish you were her. 3. I kept two cubes of sugar on the table. One smart Ant came…saw it,and was all over the sugar licking it and was so excited. And left! I know it has gone to tell other Ants about the sugar. So I’m going to hide the sugar and clean that place, so that when they all come… They’ll beat him up and think he’s a liar! LOL. 4. A man went to see a doctor and said, “pls doctor dont laugh at what i want to show you. “the doctor said,”i have been a doctor for 20 years so i dont see what can amuse me.” so the man opened his trousers and showed his p*nis to the doctor which was as small as a TV remote’s battery. on seeing dis, d doctor fell down and started laughing uncontrollably. after 10 mins of laughter, he regained himself, apologized and asked the man, “What’s wrong with your p*nis?” The man said, “its swollen..” The doctor died laughing 5. An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set-up their tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, the father woke up his son. Father : Look up to the sky and tell me what you see. Son : I see millions of stars. Father : And what does that tell you? Son : Astronomically, it tells that there are millions of galaxies and planets. Father slaps the son hard and says- “Idiot, someone has stolen our tent” Too much education has spoil your common sense. 6. HOW TO KEEP YOUR BOYFRIEND > 1. Give him respect 2. Love him with all your heart 3. Don’t cheat on him 4. Call and text him always. HOW TO KEEP YOUR GIRLFRIEND happy 1. Give her money 2. I said give her money 3. Don’t forget to give her money 4. My brother just give her money. 5. My brother am not joking, give her money 7. I asked this fine girl to prepare stew for me yesterday. Brothers and sisters, there’s no difference between what I ate and Alomobitters.* Now am contemplating whether to marry her or register her into the herbal Medicine Association…. 8. When you are dating a God fearing, educated & civilized woman who has class & ambition, you get texts such as these:- 6 0am. Good Morning my dear. Hope you had a wonderful night. How are you today? Wake up’ say ur prayers & get ready 4 work. Don’t forget to apply for that vacancy I showed you yesterday. Love you ! 12pm – Hi handsome. hope you’ve taken your lunch? I’m heading out for lunch now. Talk later. Take care of yourself . Love you:- 6pm – Marvin darling, I’m at Kilimanjaro now, what should I buy for you?!! But when you are dating all these endtime girls a.k.a Slay Queens, whose asset is her looks as well as crazy with fashion, you get texts such as these:- 6am Hello Boo! How far naa! How Was Fun yesterday at the club. Hope u are not still having the hang over. Lol please remember to send me Credit. See you later. 12pm I’m broke! Can you just help me out with some money if you can. I want to change my wardrobe. Muah! 6pm Hi Boo, looks like you’ve forgotten the shoes you promised me. Anyways, I’m at the shop where they sell Human hair & Clothes. Just eyeing this beautiful make – up kit. You will like it! Muah! But when you don’t date at all, you get texts like:- Airtel:- Enjoy 6 times the value of every recharge on the Airtel network when you recharge with *555*PIN#. MTN:- Dear customer, do you know that you can confirm your BVN from your phone? Simply dial *565*0# this service costs N20!! 9. A guy posted his bald head picture on Facebook, after 30mins he found his pic on timeline of another person and the caption was THIS GUY HAS CANCER, TYPE AMEN TO SAVE HIS LIFE 10. My brother ,Stress is when you want to text “I love you” to your girlfriend and you mistakenly send it to your land lady then she replies “OMG!!! I have been holding myself for too long, I love you too and please stop paying rent” 11. Did you steal the meat from the pot? Americans:No…I didn’t steal from the pot. Nigerians:Me?…steal?….pot?….when? …..how?…. Nigerians 12.This Life Have Spoil Finish. A mother said to her teenage daughter I think its right time, we should talk about sex. Daughter: Sure mom, what do you want to know? 13.TEACHER: Class.. What is 5 + 3? #Itz_isaiah: The answer is 8.. Alvaro:Shuoooo!!, Dem don change am?, No be 4 + 4 be 8 ?